The Unforeseen Reality of Aging

This is All Wrong

I’m not supposed to  have to deal with my doddering parents.  It is not that I ever imagined that they wouldn’t live to a ripe old age.  I knew they would.  Certainly I never expected that my brother would take up the role of their primary caregiver.  Though not lacking in love toward our parents, familial responsibility is just not his thing. I never expected to witness the reality of aging of my parents because I wasn’t meant to live this long.

When I was young, I think it was perhaps in my teenage years, I developed a strong conviction that I wasn’t destined to live a long life.  I didn’t spend a lot of time imagining my future prince and happily-ever-after life.  There was no point.  I knew that I wouldn’t be around long enough to experience any of that.  Looking back, it all seems rather pessimistic, except for the fact that it didn’t bother me at all.  I simply accepted it as my destiny.

I had an equally clairvoyant notion that I would not meet my end in an accident. 

Not Today

I was once on a plane, flying over the Pacific with a group of fellow high school teachers and 6 students.  We hit the heaviest turbulence I’ve ever experienced.  The plane tangibly fell through the air a number of times, jarring and slamming everything and everyone on board.  Most of the passengers were more than mildly panicked.  People were screaming.   One of my coworkers was so terrified that the only reason she wasn’t sitting in my lap was because she had her seat belt securely fastened, as directed.  I thought it was all great fun – the most expensive roller-coaster ride I’d ever experienced.

After landing safely on solid ground many hours later (my coworker may have kissed the airport floor) the students asked me why I wasn’t scared.  I shrugged.  It was simple. My death would not be caused by an accident, so there was nothing to worry about.  Apparently the possibility of being simply injured or maimed in a horrific crash hadn’t occurred to me.

Death is Inevitable

Everyone dies.  Some take longer to do it than others and some meet their fate earlier than we think they should.  It is the one common denominator among all living creatures.  Death holds no prejudices and plays no favorites.

The inevitability of my own death was of minor significance to me.  It wasn’t because of a false sense of immortality that many young people are prone to.  I wasn’t  in denial or avoidance of that ultimate dark end to my days.  My mortality was simply so clear a premonition that it held no consequence.

We often talk about death.  People mourn the deaths of friends and family.  Fear of death is a reality for many.  Some choose (or try to choose) death over a life of non-responsive existence on life-support,  others meet the dark angel by surprise.  Sometimes it seems as though life takes a back seat to the prominence of death.  I wouldn’t say I was obsessed with death.  I simply knew that it would come sooner than later, and that didn’t really bother me much.

There’s an odd thing that happens when you aren’t concerned about aging.  Not only are you less connected to the big picture, you might just stop noticing that aging does in fact go on, whether you are aware of it or not.  I happily made my way through life with dreams that were not too grand.  I kept my head down and minded my own business.

Apparently the world around me didn’t stop.

Wait, What?

I glanced up from my life and realized that I’ve aged far beyond my expectation, and so has everyone around me.  Including my parents.

I never gave more than a passing thought to the care of my parents in their old age.  Why should I?  I wasn’t going to be around to deal with it.  Here I am now though, 47 years old and watching my parents traverse their 80s with far more grace and power than my image of really old people allows.  Suddenly I am discussing options with my brother and consulting with doctors at the seniors’ center regarding their mental capacities.

I should be content that I am alive, healthy and happy.  I have just sent my eldest son off to college and I walk my youngest daughter to 1st grade every day.  For someone who never saw the point in setting long-term goals, I probably seem to be doing fairly well.  Not having emotionally prepared myself for the reality of aging of my parents however, I am finding myself overwhelmed.  

I think it is safe to say that I am not in fact destined to die young.  It goes without saying that I  should probably start taking more care to avoid accidents as well.