When did society decide that we can’t just agree about things and move on? What happened to our moral values?
Sometimes even strong paths divide.
I spent 16 years married to a wonderful man. We had 2 sons, moved to his hometown in Japan, and spent 8 years there. During that time I gradually realized that our future goals and more importantly our opinions on family and marital relations were different. The arrival of our third child was a surprise that was the fuel behind my decision to close one chapter of my life and start a new one.
I don’t regret any of my years of marriage, nor do I hold any resentment. To the best of my knowledge neither does my ex. We communicate regularly regarding the family and the children, even though we live on opposite sides of the globe. I am raising 2 of our kids and he is raising 1. We don’t worry about child support. He helps out with some of the kids’ expenses if and when I need it. He pays for them to make occasional trips to visit him, which includes me traveling with our youngest. We don’t need custody agreements or parenting plans. We share strong moral values and we trust each other.
We get along – Is that so strange?
Apparently getting along is not normal. According to the legal system, it isn’t even allowed. I couldn’t file for a legal divorce, because we didn’t have any formal agreement papers. Apparently we can’t just tell them that we agree and will make decisions as we go. The courts say that they are protecting our individual rights. I get that, but I don’t need it, thank you. He has no property. I have no property. He has a minimal income. So do I. We talk. We share. We get along. Why is that so strange?
When did the world become so negative that an amicable separation is nearly unheard of? These days, it seems there are too many processes and requirements involved in our lives. Is it healthy? Are we not breeding distrust through the simple (or usually not-so-simple) regulations surrounding our life milestones?
- Don’t get married without a prenuptial agreement, because eventually things will go sour.
- Make sure that you write an extremely detailed will, because when you die everyone will fight over what you leave behind.
- Put everything in writing, because nobody can be trusted to keep their word.
What are we teaching our children?
I cringe when I think of how the future generation of humanity is ‘learning’ from our actions. We try to teach our children good moral values. We tell them that promises are sacred and our word is our most valuable possession. Is that what we show them when we claim that we can’t be held accountable without a written agreement? We tell our children to have faith and believe in each other. Then we show them that nobody can be trusted and we must always watch our backs and look over our shoulders.
As far as I know, the law still revolves around the concept that we are innocent until proven guilty. These days the lines seem to be fading however. More and more, our innocence seems to be in question. What does this say about our society?
The death of the nice person
A friend once told me that she hated nice people. This baffled me at the time, and horrified me somewhat as well. I considered myself a nice person. Nice people, she said. give and give seemingly freely, but then become shocked and angry when the rest of the world doesn’t reciprocate. Thinking about it, I sadly had to agree. I knew many people like that. To this day, I don’t know if my friend considers me a nice person, but I don’t think she hates me. Perhaps I’m not as nice as I thought.
Our society doesn’t allow for being nice any more. We are not allowed to expect truth, honesty, and integrity from our fellows.
- Buyer beware.
- Assume the worst and you will not be disappointed.
- Always read the fine print because if it looks too good to be true, it probably is.
Nice people can’t survive.
Sometimes we have to swim against the current
I refuse to be brought down. To my friend, I apologize. I will continue to strive to be nice. That said, I am not naive. I know that nice is not the norm. There will be times (many of them I’m sure) that the world will disappoint me. Hopefully I can be strong enough to not get crushed by the oncoming current of distrust and skepticism. I believe in humanity.
No matter what society tries to tell me, I know that we can just agree and move on.