My parents are getting on as some people say
Others would just say my parents are old. Really old. There are a lot of things that change in people when they get old. My dad has hair growing in all kinds of places, and can’t hear anything anyone says to him. He does hear the ambiance music on TV shows that he finds unbearably annoying. My mom holds my arm when we walk now. I still remember holding her hand when my hand was so much smaller than hers. They don’t go out much anymore. They sleep a lot. It’s hard to manage aging parents. My role has gone from cared-for to care-giver. Sometimes it feels like it happened overnight.
We had an exciting day out today. We went to the annual Japanese-Canadian festival in town. We’ve been going to that festival together since I was about Hanah’s age. Now she is enjoying it with the same awe and wonder that I did. I wonder if the drums make her chest thump the way I remember mine did. She can’t wait to fish for the water-filled yo-yo balloon, even though we have about 500 of them at home still from the Habitat fundraisers.
Mom and Dad sit in the senior’s tent now
They’ve been allowed to sit in it for years (like 20 years) but they didn’t look old enough before. There may have been a pride factor involved as well, but it has only been recent years that they have enjoyed the service and sat under the tent for most of the day we spend there. I wander around buying a variety of foods that we rarely get outside of the festival. Hanah charms the other seniors with her smile and her pretty Japanese yukata.
I think my parents were abducted by aliens
Another byproduct of my parents’ aging is their patience levels. They’ve gone through a mind-boggling reversal in temperaments. Growing up, Mom was the one with the strict schedules and the ‘always be early’ attitude. She was the planner. I don’t know if I’d say that Dad was laid-back, but he was never a stickler for time or schedule. At some point in the last few years, while I was away dealing with my own chaotic family, my parents seem to have been abducted by aliens and had their temperaments swapped.
Now, Mom is as easy-going as can be. She gets up when she feels like it, rarely heads out the door before noon, and doesn’t see the need to schedule anything beyond a vague plan. To keep the balance fair, Dad now is hyper-schedule oriented. Everything is about “the plan”, and the bottom line is the fastest way from A to B and back again. Gone are leisurely drives and impromptu tangents. Ok then, I’ll just head out again later on my own to do that…
I try not to get frustrated. It isn’t me, after all, that is facing cognitive challenges. I watch my parents deal with their own spells of forgetfulness and confusion, and I feel helpless. I can’t imagine what it must be like to consciously lose your mind. They are going through it together, which could lead to a feeling of camaraderie, but more often they snap at each other. I sit on the side and watch the interactions, stepping in as a buffer when necessary.
Sometimes it is hard to keep a straight face
Like today, in the car, on the way home from the festival.
Dad: So, what does anyone feel like having for dinner?
Hanah: Sushi! Because Grandma ate mine today.
Mom: Hanah wants sushi.
Dad: I don’t particularly want Japanese food. (this is understandable, considering where we’d just spent the day)
Mom: How about A&W hamburgers?
Hanah: A&W! Can I have a hamburger?
Mom: Hanah wants A&W.
Dad: Does anyone fancy Fish & Chips?
…… (we drive in silence for a while)
Dad: So are we dead-set on A&W?
Mom: Hanah is. But she fell asleep.
Dad: So the need to go to A& W is gone?
Mom: Just go to Fish & Chips if that’s what you want!
Dad: (frustrated because he just got into a turn-only lane when he wanted to go straight) Well, I need a decision made.
Mom: Then go to A&W!
Dad: So there’s no need to go where Hanah wanted to go?
….. (more awkward silence)…
This is my life.